Writing Exercise – An old man in a residential home

The nauseating stench of chemicals and disinfectant penetrated his nostrils. He had naively hoped that over time he would get used to the sickeningly sweet odour yet ironically it only seemed to get worse. Sometimes he wondered whether it wasn’t the place but him. That he had spent so much time in this wretched prison that he had unknowingly absorbed everything he despised about it.  As his mental faculties slowly started whirring into motion he was racked by the familiar attacks of anxiety, helplessness and fear. He had to live yet another day!

Initially he had welcomed the idea of living in an Institution. It did seem like the best option for everyone. He was a burden on his family and it was clear he inconvenienced them with his presence. The constant care and attention crippled his pride, crushed his resolve and inflated their egos. He still remembered how their eyes changed – the looks of love and compassion abruptly dissolved to disgust and frustration, occasionally hiding traces of guilt and pity. As he was only a shadow, a faint memory, of his former self he no longer commanded the same respect and authority he once held. To preserve whatever self-esteem he had left it was imperative to confine himself to the depths of this abyss – a method of self-preservation he had grown to regret.

As his physical shell gradually yet surely degrades the spark in his mind glows brighter. He is distinctly aware of everything that transpires within these four walls. The hushed whispers of the nurses, the moans of the neighbouring woman, the scampering feet across ceramic tiles – these are all bland observations of the physical realm. Long-forgotten memories come back to him in rapid spurts. He imagines how he may have re-lived his life, how he will live his future lives, the mistakes made, the lessons learnt…it’s as if he’s omnipresent.